My stress levels have began to influence my body, physically. I’m trying so hard to chill out but the thought of my to-do list and lack of time triggers all kinds of shit to fire different directions, very heavily.

I would get overwhelmed at school but never to this extent, man. To the point of migraines, nausea, etc. idk what to do. I’m trying very hard to chill out.

This is embarrassing to admit.

a chilly September morning

Almost parallels my life right now.

Finally home!!!! And this breeze feels 😍😍😍 mainly cause it’s my first time just taking an actual break from a busy day all day.

Ay Pobresita 😒😉 but really, this feels super nice. Sitting still & observing the world around you instead of you running around-period.

Burnin’ a lil somethin’, something’😀. happy last few weeks of summer

(I couldn’t find an emoji that comes as close to a high face. dafuxisthat)


Bout to burn for the first time in a couple of months aka 🎶🎵it feels like the very first time🎵🎶🎶

erm just started used XKit/just heard of it cause it’s been forever since I’ve really been on tumblr. I don’t know too much about it yet so bare with me tll later when I look into it. and now I’m slightly voluntarily distracting myself muahahah okay bye

hammer-fight replied to your post: Like a broken record

I feel your pain every day. That’s why I distract myself with so many things.

That’s the thing with me, though - I can’t afford to have distractions as I already have inevitable, unnecessary ones. 

I think I just vent to a couple of friends/bf to show that my concern for insufficient time & stress is legitimate and not just perception or me bitching. I know, get over it, right? But I’ll always bitch about it but will try to just do it in my head and to my blog instead. I just dont want my bf to think I’m some psycho freaking out over nothing-this is real and I really am trying to make the most of the situation but it doesn’t work. Every day I do indeed wake up with a clean slate about my study habits after a full day of work, hope for the best and assume nothing will get in the way. As I said a million times, something always does get in the way but I’m glad I’m at least optimistic to begin with!!

I can adjust, just tone it down a bit, household.


Like a broken record

I’m still aggravated at all the additional shit that gets in the way of my studying and school research when I get home at 530-615pm. Settle down, read emails, research, help care for our pets, go over bills with dad, help explain bills, assist guests, mom coming in being sweet but asking too any questions, answer phone calls, read over what MORE  I need to do that I haven’t done, among so much other shit, on top of studying/taking quizzes/trying to understand extremely old material on my own with no guidance… can this be done in 5 hrs? maybe if I pull an all nighter several times but I’d be dead at work. I feel bad mentioning my family in this because they’re just trying to help… I am just used to having my own place where roommates are either never there or I’m at a quiet place to get my shit done. And to analyze this further to my psychological state (and I don’t mean “alert and oriented”), perhaps it even pitches as to why  live in nostalgia about college. 1) Not as flexible in doing/learning/contributing to what I love doing (I hate preparing for the GRE cause I don’t want to study what is asked on it, but it contributes to that ultimate goal)  2) My current job (it could be worse and I love our patients, but I’m so limited!!!!!)  3) Loss of a social life. I can always compensate for this and I have to make sacrifices… but even the sacrifices I make don’t suffice my tasks to my ultimate goal, if that makes sense. 

Am I freaking out again? And/or is it just another “there isn’t enough time in the day” rant I can’t adjust to cause it’s more shit popping up each day? Well, yes. Times ticking… I can’t spend $200 on a test I’m not ready for, personal statements/revising and research the shit out of my program, check deadlines transcripts, check up on letters of recommendations, among all other stuff… and I have a full time job? My advisor in college informed us that grad school prep and everything that comes with it is exactly like taking probably a 3-4 credit course. If I did 17 credits and excelled, shouldnt I be able to to do this as well? No… different contexts. :( I just beg to whatever spirit is out there to please help me get through this, allowing it to all into place a bit smoother. Cause this process is hell. I need a part-time job… but I can’t do that right now with my job. What to fucking do….!

I’m whining. But thanks, post. It feels good to let it out instead of to someone else. It helps organize my thoughts. I suppose it is “stress”. Well, it IS stress. I’m trying to reduce that little by little but my mind still ends up boiling up with frustration with the fact that it is mentally/almost physically impossible for me to do all of this. It gets you no where, though. Perhaps feels a little better to vent, as previously stated, but kind of wasting time by getting flustered when you could be advancing. I guess it’s all part of the process though. & when it gets to this point, all desire and push to continue what I’m doing diminishes and I do your typical “i’ll leave it for tomorrow and I MEAN IT!!!” I used to take care of shit right then and there but now I put it off cause it’s like, fuck it I keep getting interrupted what’s the point-the interferences are endless or appear right when I get in the zone at last. It’s just overwhelming. Really overwhelming.

I hate that time is ticking, though. So. Fast.

Enough time wasting. Time to attempt to do some shit before I get to the “fuck it!” point.